Play Pretend
by Tomboy 601
Summary: A series of events from Sesshomaru's childhood that helped define his personality, ranging from when he is three to shortly after Inuyasha is born. Rated M for violence and one or two swears.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: The first multi chapter I've posted in a long time. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

Sesshomaru watched the wriggling insect's futile attempts to escape his grasp. His father was out, leaving him with yet another nanny. He didn't bother to remember her name. She'd quit soon, just like all the others. Frightening, they called him. Too quiet, they said. He dug one of his claws into the bug, watching it desperately flail around before being reduced to twitching as the life in its eyes faded. Sesshomaru smiled.

–-

The dog general sighed as the new nanny walked away. The third in two weeks. All with the same reason: Sesshomaru frightened them. He'd asked his son many times and the boy's answer was always the same.

 _"I didn't do anything to them, Father."_

Sesshomaru was intelligent for his age. Most three year olds weren't interested in matters of diplomacy. He was also doing well with his tutors, when they were around. It seemed like everyone he hired to care for Sesshomaru avoided the boy. He couldn't stay home to care for Sesshomaru. He was much too busy to care for a small child. Besides, that was supposed to be his mother's job. Not that he expected a woman who gladly betrayed him for another man to be a good mother. She must have thought so as well, because Sesshomaru was quite literally left at his front gate not long after he'd caught her with her new lover. But that didn't matter as long as he was able to get a woman to care for his son and, once again, it was time to search for a new nanny.

Sesshomaru sat on his bed. It was soft, comfortable like his clothes. In fact, everything in his room was soft and comfortable. So soft. So comfortable. So _childish._ Sesshomaru wasn't fooled. He knew that the reason everything was so _soft_ was an attempt at child proofing his room. Because he might _hurt himself_ otherwise. His stupid mother must have told his oh-so-wonderful father about how he'd gotten into the weapons. It wasn't like he didn't know they were sharp. He just didn't care that he managed to cut himself on a couple of them. He'd wanted to look at them closer when his mother came in the room and found him there. At that moment, there was only one thing he could do. Pretend. Pretend that it hurt, that he didn't know the weapons were there, that he was actually in unimaginable pain. And the stupid woman fell for it. She rushed to his side and told him that everything was going to be okay. Empty promises, all of them. He knew that she had already decided to send him to live with his father, a man he had never met, so that she could live with her new lover. Stupid woman. And she expected him to care for her if she lived to be old and decrepit? After giving him away because her new lover didn't like him? Forget it.

His father was no better. The man had no idea what to do with him and hired a nanny. Another woman to be his mother. Sesshomaru had hated her. She wasn't his mother. None of them were. When would they finally understand that he didn't want them pretending to be his mother, pretending to care about him, pretending to be someone they weren't? They only cared about the money. What right did they have to order him around? It only went to show that his father thought of him as a burden. The only time his _beloved_ father even spoke to him was when the pretend mothers quit. Sesshomaru wanted his father to at least acknowledge that he existed. Sesshomaru had learned that his problems never disappeared just because he hoped they would. No, to make his problems disappear, he needed to act. The life of a bug meant nothing to him, so he'd use it as an example. That was just how little he cared for them. They labeled him frightening, so why not behave in a frightening manner? It was only fair.

–-

"Hello, you must be Sesshomaru. Your father has told me a lot about you. My name is-"

"I don't wish to know your name," Sesshomaru interrupted. _Another pretend mother. She'll be gone before long._

"Sesshomaru, be polite," The dog general scolded. _What is wrong with this boy? He knows better._

Sesshomaru turned to face his father.

"I don't wish to know her name," He said simply. "She will leave, just like the others." _Why do you keep giving me pretend mothers?_

"You will learn to show respect for your father, Sesshomaru. You will learn your new caretaker's name. Do not challenge me."

Sesshomaru's glare remained steady for a few seconds before dissolving.

"Yes, Father," He said. "What is your name, miss?"

As Sesshomaru's new nanny introduced herself, the dog general observed his son's actions and demeanor. Sesshomaru seemed passive, but he could see anger bubbling underneath the boy's strangely calm shell.

 _He is only three. How can such a young child hide so much rage inside? How long has he been doing this? Why is he so angry? Am I doing something wrong? Or is there something wrong with him?_

–-

The dog general opened Sesshomaru's bedroom door. Everything was soft, as recommended. Sesshomaru would not be getting into any weapons here. Weapons would have to wait until he was old enough to handle them without injuring himself in the process.

Stepping into the room, he studied the figure on the bed. Breathing in, out, in, out. Sesshomaru was awake. He just knew it.

"Sesshomaru, are you awake?" The dog general asked.

No answer. Well, Sesshomaru could pretend to be asleep all he wanted, but he was going to hear what his father had to say.

"Sesshomaru, I know that I haven't been around for you. I'm a very busy man, but I do love you and want what's best for you. I know you don't like your caretakers much, but please try not to frighten them away. You are only a child right now. When you are older, I will be around to teach you. But until then, you will remain here."

It was awkward trying to say things in a way Sesshomaru would understand, but the dog general hoped that his words made some difference.

–- Author's Note: That's all for chapter one. About Sesshomaru's age, I personally think that demons take a long time to mature, physically and mentally. I'm using human years as a general idea of how old Sesshomaru is. Sesshomaru is just a very smart three year old. It also makes him young enough to be creepy without necessarily being evil. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Two chapters in two days is pretty good.

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

–-

Sesshomaru regarded the squalling little creature in his mother's arms with sheer annoyance. Standing in a place where he wasn't likely to be seen, but could see everything perfectly. He flinched as the creature suddenly screamed. Its screaming was ear piercingly loud and drowned out the conversation between his parents.

"Prince Sesshomaru, your father has requested your presence."

Sesshomaru turned to see a servant speaking. A woman on the larger side with dark hair and dressed in cook's clothing was the one that had spoken. Sesshomaru hadn't seen her around much. He guessed that she was new.

"Thank you," He said politely as he left his hiding spot. Now to greet his father and hopefully see what all the fuss was about.

"Father, you wanted to see me?" Sesshomaru asked carefully.

"Oh, Sesshomaru, there you are. Your mother and I were just discussing the fate of this child," The dog general said motioning to the creature in former lover's arms. "Your mother tells me that I am her father."

Her? A girl? Sesshomaru didn't think it looked or acted like a girl. Right now, it just seemed like a screaming banshee. Besides, it more resembled a potato than a child. Sesshomaru tentatively reached his hand out to it. He didn't think it was possible, but it screamed louder.

"I don't think she likes me," He said, making sure to call the screaming potato a she and not an it.

"She doesn't know you yet, Sesshomaru. You're her big brother, so I'm sure she'll adore you when she's older. She's just a baby right now," Sesshomaru's mother said. "Don't you want to get to know your new sister?"

Sister? This screaming potato was his sister?

"She's a potato," Sesshomaru said before he could stop himself.

His father laughed. "She does look like a potato, doesn't she? You looked like a potato when you were a baby, too."

Sesshomaru scrunched his face up. "Did not," He said.

"Sesshomaru, do you want to know her name?" The dog general asked.

"Do I have to call her by that name?" Sesshomaru asked. "Can't I just call her Sister?" It wasn't what he wanted to call her, but he doubted that his father would let him call her Potato.

"I want you to know her name even if you never use it. It will be important when she is old enough to be married. You'll want people to know who you're talking about. 'My sister' only gets you so far," A reasonable explanation, if the dog general ever heard one. Sesshomaru appeared to think about it before answering.

"What's her name?"

–-

News traveled the castle quickly. The dog general's former lover had just given birth to a daughter. The dog general himself had named her the princess. Most accepted the new princess, but the thought was still on everyone's minds. Was the dog general really the father? It was a well known fact that the former Lady had taken a new lover not too long ago. She may have become pregnant by her lover and simply claimed the dog general as the father in order to leave her daughter with him, like she'd done with the prince.

Speaking of the prince, he seemed to like his new sister. The servants often found him guarding her. He also spoke to her, calling her a little potato. Many servants found this behavior adorable, though a little strange. Prince Sesshomaru had never shown much interest in other children.

"Do you think you'll grow up to be as strong as Father?" Sesshomaru asked. He knew that Potato couldn't answer him yet, but it felt nice to have someone to talk to that wouldn't report back to his father.

The door to the room opened and a servant holding a bottle entered. Sesshomaru recognized her as the same woman that had told him about his father's request to see him a few days ago. He was also confused. Potato had been fed not too long ago. Surely, she couldn't be hungry yet.

"My sister was already fed today," He informed the servant.

"Babies need a lot of food. She's probably hungry again," The servant seemed stiff somehow. "Please leave the room so I can feed her, Prince Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru frowned. He'd never been asked to leave the room during feeding time. There was a strange feeling in the air and the sunlight from the window seemed colder.

"Why can't I stay? I always watch her eat," He said, trying to ignore the strange feeling that he still couldn't identify.

"She needs to drink this bottle alone. Please leave the room," The servant's voice sounded strained.

"No," Sesshomaru said stubbornly.

"Prince Sesshomaru, leave!" The servant snarled as she splashed some of the bottle's contents on him.

Sesshomaru gasped as the liquid burned his skin. The weapons were nothing compared to this pain. He felt like his skin had been held over a hot fire. A very hot fire. He looked up to see the servant feeding Potato the bottle.

 _No, don't drink it!_ He thought desperately. _It's poison!_

After what felt like an eternity, the servant placed Potato back in the crib and left the room. Sesshomaru approached the crib. Potato was so still. He reached in and touched her face. She seemed somehow different to touch. His mind screamed the facts to him, but Sesshomaru refused to accept it.

 _Demons don't die so easily. Potato is just sleeping. She always sleeps after she eats. She'll wake up in a little while. I just have to wait._

Sesshomaru began guarding Potato. Potato's wet nurse eventually showed up to feed her. The wet nurse took one look at Potato and began to scream.

"What's wrong?" Sesshomaru asked. "She's sleeping. She'll wake up soon."

That only made the wet nurse even more hysterical and other servants were drawn to the room. One of them lead Sesshomaru away from the room and to the castle's doctor.

"These look like acid burns. Were you playing with acid, Prince Sesshomaru?" The doctor asked as he examined the burns that Sesshomaru had forgotten about.

"No. Are you going to help my sister?" Sesshomaru's mind was solely on Potato.

The doctor didn't quite know how to answer that. From what he'd heard, the princess was already dead. It struck him that the prince was only four years old and probably in denial. Even a four year old child could recognize death.

"The princess would need to be brought to me before I could help her," The doctor replied, choosing his words carefully.

"I'll go get her," Sesshomaru said cheerfully.

Before the doctor could stop him, Sesshomaru ran back to his sister's room. He froze in the doorway. She wasn't moving. She wasn't breathing. The color was gone from her face. She was dead. And unlike the bugs he killed, she wasn't replaceable.

–-

Author's Note: I think the whole Sesshomaru and Inuyasha's long lost sister thing is overdone. So I did my own version of it. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Moving on...

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

–-

Sesshomaru sat on a cold bench watching the other children play. All sons and daughters of nobles. Boys play fighting, girls gossiping. All so stereotypical. Sesshomaru wondered if the girls ever play fought while the boys gossiped. He thought it was strange to treat girls as potential wealth or peace treaties. Would his sister have been treated like that?

It had been almost a month since his sister was killed. He had been so confused about why someone would kill a baby. After spying on several servants, he concluded that it had something to do with his father's court. He'd been caught several times trying to find out more and escorted out each time. He didn't understand why he wasn't allowed to know the truth. She was his sister!

His father had eventually decided that he was too disruptive and sent him to play with other children his age under the careful supervision of two personal guards and his pretend mother. Sesshomaru hated playing with the other kids. It really wasn't worth his time and he didn't like them much. They were just too different.

His pretend mother would always suggest he play with them. Make friends. Sesshomaru thought the idea was ridiculous, but made an effort to at least pretend to try. If she was going to pretend to be his mother, then he would pretend to be her child. It was a game. He called it playing pretend. Besides, his father would be furious if he didn't behave. He learned the hard way that he needed to respect his father. But his father had been home a lot lately.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a girl sneaking up on a pair of boys in the designated play area. Amused, he turned to watch her from his place on the stone bench. She snuck closer, closer, and pounced on both boys, knocking them over while laughing at their obliviousness. One of the boys got up and smacked her before pushing her down and kicking her.

"I'll teach you not to mess with me! You don't hit boys, stupid girl! I'll beat it into you if I have to!" The boy screamed.

Sesshomaru looked around for someone to intervene. No one did. Didn't they see this little brat of a boy beating up a girl? It wasn't right! The poor girl was crying now.

"Please stop, brother! I won't do it again!" She sobbed.

He was her brother? He was kicking and spitting on her and he was her _brother_? Sesshomaru had had enough.

"Leave her alone, you brat! She didn't do anything wrong," He shouted as he ran to the girl's aide.

The boy turned to glare at him. He hesitated when he saw exactly who was sticking up for his sister, but quickly regained his confidence.

"She's my sister. You know, a _girl_? Girls shouldn't touch boys or they get beaten!" He eyed Sesshomaru, sizing him up. "Or maybe you don't, what with your mom being a whore and all."

Sesshomaru stepped back, shocked. His mother, a whore? She wasn't the best mother in the world and she currently lived with her lover, but a whore? Not a chance.

"Don't call my mother a whore! You don't know anything about her!" Sesshomaru yelled, losing his temper at the brat.

"Oh yeah? Then why did she give you away? She wanted to be with her new lover! I bet the princess wasn't even your sister!" The boy smirked in satisfaction as Sesshomaru processed his words.

Sesshomaru saw red. First calling his mother a whore, now saying that Potato wasn't really his sister. He could feel his heartbeat accelerate.

"It's a good thing the princess died. Whoever killed her should get a medal!"

Those were the only things Sesshomaru needed to hear. He lunged at the boy, slashing at the brat's face as he did. The boy moved out of the way and Sesshomaru nearly lost his balance. The boy punched Sesshomaru, sending him reeling back a few steps. He regained his balance and launched a well aimed kick to the boy's chest knocking him over. Pinning the boy to the ground, Sesshomaru delivered punch after punch to the boy's head and chest, adding in a slash of his claws after every few punches to satisfy the sudden rage he felt. He didn't want to stop. Not until this little brat lay beaten and broken.

Suddenly, he felt strong arms lift him from the boy. He struggled in their grasp, kicking and flailing, but the arms wouldn't release him. While restrained, he caught sight of the boy's bruised and bloody body and felt a huge sense of satisfaction in his handiwork.

–-

Sesshomaru barely remembered the walk home. One second, they were restraining him from beating the boy, the next he was home outside his father's many rooms. He didn't really know what the different rooms were called, but that didn't matter right now because his father was going to talk to him any minute now and Sesshomaru really didn't want to talk.

"Go in, Prince Sesshomaru," The guard said calmly.

Sesshomaru hesitated, anticipating the punishment he knew he was going to get and didn't move.

"I will escort you in if I need to, Prince Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru decided that going in the room alone would be better than being escorted in by a guard, took a deep breath, and entered the room where his father was waiting for him.

"Sit, Sesshomaru," The dog general commanded motioning to a mat on the floor. Sesshomaru sat.

"Why did you attack him, Sesshomaru?" The question was simple and the dog general's voice held no judgment in it.

Sesshomaru really didn't want to answer, but his father's tone told him that he should if he knew what was good for him.

"I didn't want to attack him, just stop him from beating up his sister," He said cautiously. "He made me attack him. He called Mother a whore and said that it was a good thing that my sister died. He can't get away with that!"

The dog general sighed. While he wondered exactly where Sesshomaru had learned what a whore was or if his son even knew what the word meant, it was obvious that Sesshomaru had a very different view on women than most.

"He didn't get away with it, Sesshomaru. You killed him,"

A few minutes passed as Sesshomaru's expression changed from fear to shock and finally complete indifference as he took in the news.

"Well, he had it coming," Sesshomaru said.

The dog general searched Sesshomaru for any sign of remorse and found nothing. In fact, Sesshomaru seemed almost proud of what he'd done.

"I won't have you killing like an animal, Sesshomaru. You will begin fighting lessons tomorrow. I've arranged for a combat artist to teach you every other day in addition to your regular tutors. The guards will escort you to and from your lessons. Do you understand?"

Sesshomaru sent him a questioning look before answering.

"Yes, Father."

"You may leave now," The dog general said.

The dog general watched as Sesshomaru walked away. Four was young to be learning how to fight. Many children didn't begin until they were six. But Sesshomaru needed to be taught control. Perhaps the rage he still possessed would fade away once he learned how to fight properly. Weapons, however, would be locked up until Sesshomaru was at least seven. If his son could kill another child a year older than him with his bare hands, the dog general didn't want to know what kind of damage Sesshomaru could do with a weapon.

–-

Author's Note: That wraps up the super early childhood section of the fic. Sesshomaru will be around six years old next chapter. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Beginning the second story arc!

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

–-

Sesshomaru swung his hand through the air, releasing a small amount of poison as he did. The tree remained sturdy. He resisted the urge to punch it. He couldn't afford to get angry over something as small as not being able to master a technique.

The training grounds were big, but he was only allowed to use a small part of it. The rest of the grounds were for weapons training. He couldn't even get in to the other parts. The guards were always on the lookout for him. Sesshomaru wondered what kinds of weapons were used. He knew that his father could wield a sword. Sesshomaru wanted to prove that he, too, could become a great swordsman. But his father always refused to let him near the weapons. His father wanted him to master fighting first.

Sesshomaru's hand swung through the air again. Another failure. He grit his teeth and prepared to try again.

–-

Later that night, Sesshomaru returned to his room. It wasn't a child's bedroom anymore, although the six year old occupant might suggest otherwise. Sesshomaru had done his best to convince his father that he no longer needed a child's room. It had taken almost a year to do, but he finally managed to get his room to almost resemble an adult's bedroom. No more soft carpet coating everything in reach. His father eventually agreed to remove _most_ of the carpet, but not all of it. The carpet was still on the floor. So his feet wouldn't get cold, apparently. Sometimes, Sesshomaru wondered if the carpet remained for his father's benefit instead of his.

–-

The dog general was having a bad day. Ever since Sesshomaru had killed the son of a prominent noble family, they'd been issuing demand after demand for compensation. He had offered money and gifts many times, but got the same answer everytime.

"It won't bring my son back."

While the dog general acknowledged that nothing he would ever do could bring their son back, what they were suggesting was downright unreasonable. He'd offered to arrange a marriage between their daughter and Sesshomaru, but they refused. Instead, they wanted him to take their daughter as Lady and have a son with her when she came of age. This would not have been bad on its own, but they also wanted him to disown and drive off Sesshomaru as soon as the new Lady gave birth to a son. He'd refused to disown his firstborn son. The boy Sesshomaru had killed was not their firstborn son, but their third. They also had a daughter a few years older than Sesshomaru. He tried explaining that Sesshomaru was now his only child and only son, but they just wouldn't hear it. They wanted Sesshomaru gone and didn't hide it.

The dog general shook his to clear his mind of everything related to this disaster. He needed to prepare for the arrival of the former Lady so they could discuss Sesshomaru's future. She would want to know everything that happened since the death of their daughter almost three years ago.

–-

"Again, Prince Sesshomaru," The combat master encouraged. "You've almost got it."

Sesshomaru barely heard him. He was too focused on completing the technique. So focused that he didn't notice the girl run past him as he released the poison. A scream of pain jolted him back to the real world.

A girl sat crying on the ground, burn marks on her arms. She looked to be about nine or ten years old. Despite being startled by her sudden appearance, Sesshomaru remained calm enough to ask her what she was doing in the training grounds.

"I-I I wanted to see what everyone was doing."

An unconvincing liar. The training grounds were for training and you needed to be careful about where you walked. She had just appeared out of nowhere. Sesshomaru looked around for his teacher and saw him talking to a strange man. He turned his attention back to the girl.

"What's your name?" He questioned. The girl seemed surprised by the question.

"My name is Kyoko," She said quietly.

"Kyoko," Sesshomaru repeated. Not a name he would have chosen. It also wasn't a common name for demons. Too many humans named their daughters Kyoko and it was considered disgraceful for a demon to have such a human name. He couldn't help but think that her parents were cruel.

"Did I hurt you, Kyoko?" He asked.

She shook her head.

"No, I-"

"Kyoko, get over here!" A voice yelled. Kyoko ran towards the strange man that Sesshomaru saw talking with his teacher. He looked Kyoko over and Sesshomaru swore that he saw a smile for less than a second. The strange man was beside Sesshomaru before he could do anything.

"How dare you hurt my daughter, you little monster. You'll pay for this. You won't be so happy when your father throws you on the street." The man threatened in a whisper. Then he left just as quickly as he arrived.

Sesshomaru stood in that spot in a daze. How could he have known that Kyoko was going to run in front of him while he was practicing? A sudden fear struck him. Would his father really throw him out on the street? The strange man seemed so certain about it. The idea that his father might hate him enough to disown him was downright terrifying. His lesson continued, but all he could think about was the fear that his father might hate him.

–-

The dog general was furious. He didn't think they'd stoop as low as this. Sending their daughter to run in front of Sesshomaru while he practiced with poison, knowing that she might get hurt. No doubt they will lie and say that Sesshomaru attacked her in order to gain more power over the current state of affairs. A dozen witnesses will swear that the girl had recklessly injured herself, but they were all from his court and their statements will most likely be ignored. All that mattered is that Sesshomaru had injured the girl.

There was a knock on the door. Exhausted, the dog general asked who it was.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, my lord, but the former Lady is here."

Perfect. Just what he needed, his former lover arriving early.

–-

Author's Note: You didn't honestly think Sesshomaru was going to be able to kill that kid and everyone was just going to be okay with it, did you? Thanks for reading!


End file.
